We treat our jobs with respect. We show up on time, we have a plan for the day, and we try to get better at what we do. We treat our money with respect. We track where it goes and try to save for the future. But often, we treat our marriage like a piece of furniture. We buy it, put it in the house, and expect it to stay nice without ever polishing it or tightening the screws.
Being intentional means treating your relationship like a living thing that needs daily attention. It means shifting from a passive role to an active one. You stop waiting for your spouse to make you happy and start creating the kind of marriage you actually want to be in.
Understand the Climate You Live In
It is harder to stay married today than it was fifty years ago. Life moves faster. The pressure is higher. If you do not have a game plan, the culture will eat your relationship for breakfast. You have to be aware of the external forces pushing against you.
We look at the current state of marriage in the United States to see the reality. Divorce rates are high not because people are bad, but because they are unprepared. They go into marriage thinking love is enough. Love is the fuel, but intention is the engine. You need to understand that maintaining a bond takes work in a world that encourages you to quit when things get hard.
Coaching vs. Counseling
Sometimes you do not need therapy to fix a deep trauma. Sometimes you just need a coach to help you call the right plays. There is a difference. Therapy often looks back to heal the past. Coaching looks forward to build the future.
If your marriage feels stale but not broken, you might need couples coaching. This approach is about performance. It is about setting goals together. You decide where you want to be in five years and work backward. You ask hard questions. Are we supporting each other’s dreams? Are we raising our kids with a united front? This is an offensive strategy rather than a defensive one.
Money and Stress
One of the biggest areas where intention dies is finances. Money issues cause massive stress. When you are worried about bills, you stop being kind. You become short-tempered. You stop going on dates because you are afraid to spend fifty dollars.
You have to attack this head-on. You cannot let financial pressure dictate your emotional connection. We see many couples where economic and financial hardships undermine stability. Being intentional here means having a budget, yes. But it also means agreeing that your relationship is more important than your bank account. You find ways to connect that are free. You talk about money without fighting. You act as a team against the problem rather than enemies against each other.
The Spiritual Dimension
For many couples, intention comes from a deeper place. If you believe your marriage has a spiritual purpose, you treat it with more reverence. It is not just a legal contract. It is a covenant.
When you view your partner through a spiritual lens, you practice grace. You forgive easier. You serve them not because they earned it, but because it is who you want to be. Understanding your own theological construct of marriage helps you stay grounded when emotions run high. It gives you a “why” that is bigger than your current mood.
Daily Actions That Matter
Intention is not about grand gestures. It is about the Tuesday night routine. It is about putting your phone in the other room so you can actually hear about your wife’s day. It is about thanking your husband for taking out the trash even though he has done it for ten years.
These small deposits add up. They build a reserve of goodwill. When you are intentional with your attention, your spouse feels seen. When they feel seen, they feel loved. It is not complicated, but it is disciplined. You have to wake up every day and choose to invest.
If you are ready to stop coasting and start building, we can help you create the strategy you need.
